When I drink to excess, it creates a lot of drama in my life. Not Soap-Opera, Tangle-with-the-Law drama. Or even Throw-Things-in-a-Fit-of-Anger Drama. Just Making-every-Day-Hard Drama.
It starts with waking up later than intended, feeling sluggish. There's the drama of racing to get to work. Hoping to be presentably dressed and smelling good. Ignoring the pile of dishes in the sink and the unmade beds, living on the adrenaline of the last moment.
Then the drama of last-minute surges to meet deadlines at work. And, oops, the deadline or two I forgot about. Work like a fiend to get these done, fueled on caffeine and adrenalin. The drama of finding something to eat, since I forgot to bring a lunch. Figuring out where to stop to buy wine on the way home. Figuring out my 15 yo daughter's schedule, so I am able to drive her safely where she needs to go.
Today, I got up with plenty of time to have a Diet Coke (my version of coffee), read the paper, do a load of laundry, straighten up the remaining kitchen mess. In a little while, I will be showered and dressed, with my lunch safely stowed in my bag, ready to drop Daughter off at school on my way to work.
Which feels better? Hands down, I'll take a morning like today over any pleasure and escapism of drinking at night.
Who knew?
It starts with waking up later than intended, feeling sluggish. There's the drama of racing to get to work. Hoping to be presentably dressed and smelling good. Ignoring the pile of dishes in the sink and the unmade beds, living on the adrenaline of the last moment.
Then the drama of last-minute surges to meet deadlines at work. And, oops, the deadline or two I forgot about. Work like a fiend to get these done, fueled on caffeine and adrenalin. The drama of finding something to eat, since I forgot to bring a lunch. Figuring out where to stop to buy wine on the way home. Figuring out my 15 yo daughter's schedule, so I am able to drive her safely where she needs to go.
Today, I got up with plenty of time to have a Diet Coke (my version of coffee), read the paper, do a load of laundry, straighten up the remaining kitchen mess. In a little while, I will be showered and dressed, with my lunch safely stowed in my bag, ready to drop Daughter off at school on my way to work.
Which feels better? Hands down, I'll take a morning like today over any pleasure and escapism of drinking at night.
Who knew?
Oh we love that drama, don't we?? I used to say that I hated drama and that I had no idea why there was so much of it around me...and then it dawned on me - I was the one creating it! I didn't want to believe that...but it was true. Some of us enjoy it even in sobriety, but luckily man of us see that it is destructive in many ways. It affects so many - workplace, family, etc. You show some great examples - drama doesn't have to be reality TV kind of stuff. just the day-to-day dragged out nonsense. And that brings on it's own stressors. And then we drink over those. What a cycle!
ReplyDeleteGlad things have calmed down for you there...it's a whole new nice level of calm :)
Blessings,
Paul
Thanks so much, Paul. Losing the drama is requiring adjusting my vision. THe bursts of drama were so flaringly bright, that in the afterglare, I didn't see the finer details and interesting things/people all around me. I'm working on developing this skill!
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