Sunday, January 12, 2014

Sober Day #75- Pushing Back against Habit

Yesterday I realized how embedded drinking is in my Meeting/Vacation mode.  I thought more about wine yesterday than I have in the last couple of weeks all put together.  Everyplace my glance landed, people were drinking alcohol.  By the pool, on the beach, at all the sidewalk cafes, at a raucous gay bar spilling out onto the street- Yow!

But the architecture:  Look at this neighboring Art Deco hotel.


Don't you just love the font of the sign?  And the secondary pattern the shadow of the railing makes on the stairs?  (And no, the photo may be tipsy, but I was not!)

But will all that temptation, I did not drink.  Why not? I asked myself this morning.  Where did I find the strength to push back against habit and environment and desire?

And my answer came down to:  I won't be ruled by any person or thing.  I will NOT dive into alcohol again as a compulsion, or as an escape, or as a need.  I am a very stubborn determined person, and I am now choosing not to give away my personal power to a substance.  

How did I come to be so dependent on alcohol in the past?  I can't explain this, except as formerly not knowing I could sit with negative emotions, and they too would pass.  BUT, I can make different choices for the future.  

And that is what I am doing, each time that thought crosses my mind:  Wouldn't a nice cold glass of wine taste/feel really good right now?  And I answer myself:  Remember, sweetie, we are not having wine today.  Oh, yeah, that's right, the other part replies.  

This is very hard, right now, and requires huge expenditures of energy-  but I am trusting it will become quieter and easier.

Home to the cold and the snow today :(

8 comments:

  1. Love Art Deco - so beautiful. And well done you for not giving in to the urges. I have yet to have this challenge and suspect I would struggle too.

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    1. I actually think the pleasure of all the cool art deco design made a counter-pull to the tug of alcohol thoughts!

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  2. Yes!! Loving your determination. Alcohol is the fat fucker that lies to us and is laughing at all the people he has fooled into thinking he holds all the power. He doesn't! We do! Love the photo and your general attitude. Thanks so much for sharing xxx

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    1. Yeah, it IS a lot about power, isn't it? Drinking is giving away your choices, and setting your world on a dangerous degrading auto-pilot. No more!!

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  3. Good for you on Day 75! Sitting with negative emotions until they pass does take an enormous amount of energy and it feels pretty damn good on the other side.

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    1. Yes, that triumphant feeling of having successfully resisted the old call of habit and 'pleasure'- that is a powerfully good feeling!

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  4. Love those zig-zag shadows. Love your resolve and determination more!

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    1. And I love your support and encouragement, Sue. Thank you!

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I'd love to hear about your journey, and hear your take on my journey. Comments are very welcome!!