What is relapse? What is sobriety? What is alcohol moderation? I guess it depends on who you ask.
Relapse according to Google: A deterioration in health after a temporary improvement, a resumption of addictive behaviors after a period of abstinence, the return to drug use after a drug-free period.
For myself, I'm going to take 'resumption of addictive behaviors', and in drinking compulsively. NOT, as in having a glass of wine now and then. NOT even, having a lot of alcohol very occasionally. And I will see how this plays out. And I will continue to post about my experiences even after I hit day #100, even if, by my definition, I find myself falling into a relapse.
Sobriety per Google: Not having any measurable levels or observable effects of mood-altering drugs. Moderation in or abstinence from alcoholic liquor. Temperance or moderation, especially in respect to alcoholic beverages. Others point out that just abstaining from drinking alcohol does not equal sobriety, that sobriety also means successfully dealing with the emotions and problems that alcohol permitted us to avoid.
So I guess I need to wait a while, experience a bit more, before I decide exactly what my personal definition of sobriety is. I have spent much time and effort looking at and delving into the problems alcohol allowed me to put on hold. As well as abstaining from alcohol. I shall see.
And moderation? Two standard alcoholic drinks for women and four for men, with one to two alcohol free days per week. Or half that, depending on who you read. For me personally (the one with off-switch problems, remember), I can't imagine that a future moderations could actually include 5 or 6 days a week of drinking alcohol. Maybe the flip of that, one to two days a week.
As I hit 100 days, another time of experimentation and learning is about to begin.
It's weird - I can't work out if I'm jealous or worried for you. I will be really intrigued to follow your journey once you're past 100 days though as I will be able to drink vicariously through you :)
ReplyDeleteLucy, thank you for caring! I am a bit worried myself, but plan to give myself a pretty short rope of experimentation before reverting back to no alcohol if I feel Wolfie trying to get the upper hand!
DeleteCarrrie, I really wish you well in this. I always resent when the word "relapse" is used to mean having any contact with alcohol after a time away, and when sobriety=abstinence. Figuring this stuff out for yourself is important if it's going to be a real, long-lasting change. I do think it's possible to have a little, not a lot. I know for me, I was not careful enough, so when I started to drink wine again, it really was fine, and it was only when I thought something like, "Oh, screw that whole sobriety nonsense" did I land in trouble. And even that wasn't as excessive as I had been, just enough to make me see the old ways looming back. From what I've read, keeping the drinking occasions structured and scheduled and noticing what happens is important. OK, that's a long comment from me but I really did want to add my thoughts and cheer you on. T
ReplyDeleteThank you! I will be a scientific experiment with an "n" of 1. These almost-100 days have made me very aware that a rich and satisfying life does not need to include alcohol for me. Plus I love the great sleep. Hopefully these considerations will keep me from taking too long a detour, if experimentation does start to turn into a detour.
DeleteMy first thought was that this sounds like Wolfie slowly mesmerizing and wooing it's way back in. I have thoughts like this too but usually after 10 days. Then again, I would like to see how booze management works for you. It would be great if you can do it. I myself am an all or nothing girl. I don't miss social drinking as it isn't my thing. 8 beer and half a pack of cigs and some series i like to watch, that's my Achilles heel. I can't stop at the light glow stage. it's really all just poison. I hope soon I can reach a day 92. I love following your evolution. I certainly will be here to support your next chapter. :)
ReplyDeleteYou're right. It may be Wolfie making his subtle first moves, planning a grab and run when I give him even a tiny opening. I, too, don't care a much as I thought about drinking on social occasions. It's that mental vacation, that totally checking out, all on my own with a good book to read: Achilles is definitely there! I am psyching myself to jump right back into a longer period of abstinence if I see evidence of grey fur, or a pointy snout that doesn't belong to one of my dogs!
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