Today my life is calm. Approaching the end of this initial 100-day challenge seems surreal. But my days - when not traveling- are developing an evening routine of happy stuff to replace my old drinking habit. Travel is still challenging, as far as not drinking any alcohol.
I think that once I hit 100 days, I will start counting in months. All of November and December 2013, now most of January 2014. I've been thinking about this a lot, since I know the AA approach to counting is definatively black and white. If you have been sober for 20 years, for example, and have a sip of wine? You are back to counting from day 1 again. This absolutism does not fit into my world.
So how will I count once I have the initial 100 days under my belt? How will I count when I do my planned experimentation with how drinking wine seems to me after this hiatus? I could do number of months, allowing up to 2 evening- or 1 or 3- of wine a month and still counting this as sobriety. Or, I could do number of months, minus the number of days of wine? Or it may be that I decide to be a never-ever person, as in, the taste and experience of wine are not worth the havoc in my body and head?
I am certain I will never be a daily drinker again. And, I need to experiment with how this time with no-drinking has affected my Off Switch, if at all. If, as I suspect, I still have trouble saying no after that first glass of wine- then I will very seldom be drinking. But, to preserve my sanity (and commitment to sobriety) I must allow the possibility of having wine now and then.
As a very competitive person, numbers, achievements and setting goals are really important for me, both for motivation and for satisfaction in what I have accomplished. . I'm just not sure how to count after these 100 days.
How are you counting? Or do you count? What advice do you have for me?
I thought I would contact you via comment as I don't have your email. I have also given up the drink, and written about it that you may relate to. The book will be free for download on Amazon on Sunday 26 Jan 2014. Check it out if you would like. It is called Between Drinks: Escape the Routine, Take Control and Join the Clear Thinkers. http://www.amazon.com/Between-Drinks-Routine-Control-Thinkers/dp/1922237957. I enjoyed reading your blog. Regards David
ReplyDeleteThanks, David. Your book looks interesting and useful- I will definitely be downloading it!
DeleteI counted every day, writing the number in my journal, for the first 365 days. I was only going for 40 days when I started, but then I found the sober blogging community, and got a whiff of the possibility that this could be a forever thing. I found triple digits extremely motivating to my competitive and over-achieving nature. After day 365 I stopped counting. Now I just pop onto the online day calculator every now and then and check it out. Today: 453. Whoop.
ReplyDeleteTicking off the numbers has definitely helped me on the first part of this journey- but I think the daily counting will soon outlive its usefulness. 453 is amazing!! And from other things you've said, Sue, it sounds like sobriety continues to feel better and better in your life!
DeleteIt's a great question, Carrie. Because of my own competitive nature, I think I may need to count all the way to 365. It's a quandary, tho. I'm with you on the "one sip and you're back to day 1" thing, as the guilt and shame of one sip is what derailed me in my first real stab at sobriety.
ReplyDeleteStill, deep in my heart, I know that I can't have just one sip. That doesn't work for me. I wish it did. I wish I could be a regular drinker. But I've proven I can't. We will each find our paths - they may be different, but I'll be here rooting for you :)
We are both feeling our way into new spaces and ways of being. I'm not expecting the journey to be all cupcakes and butterflies (but I wouldn't refuse a chocolate or two!) I know I didn't have an off switch, and I doubt I do now- but I may like to have a day once in a while where I drink. I don't know. But I will find out! And It sounds like you may have pretty much made an Never-Ever decision for yourself?
DeleteCarrie, I enjoy your blog, and think youre a lovely lady... but as far as drinking goes, if youre like most of us who do it too well too often, once you start, you'll soon be counting days again. I've had 27 years sobriety, with 2 four-month relapses at year 10 and 17. It doesnt matter how you count it. Like dominoes, one falls down, they all fall down. As you get older, you cant drink as much, but the effect is much like bicycling. You pick up where you left off. I never wouldve believed it myself... my bottom came when I stopped digging. cb
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