Like many people, I've always had sort of an uneasy relationship with time. I have this Endless To-Do list, and seem to have an underlying magical hope that time will expand to accommodate my needs. When, strangely enough, this doesn't happen- I end up frustrated and mad at myself.
And, I am an introvert. At work, I function very well as an extrovert- but I definitely need time alone to recharge (as opposed to DH, who draws energy from parties and social functions). And especially 'making time'- quilts with my sewing machine, and glass beads using my torch and kiln. None of these items travel well.
I have been out of town for most of the past two weekends, and will be gone for the entire weekend the next two weekends. Since I really cherish my weekends at home, my 'nesting' and 'making' time- this is very hard for me. Time seems to shrink, giving me barely enough time for necessary activities of daily living- and packing, and unpacking, and packing...
Usually this kind of a time stack would have me grabbing and gulping glasses and glasses of wine the I 'deserved' because of the stressful situation. And then (serendipitously? Coincidentally?) I read Sober Mom Write's post yesterday. All about taking care of oneself, making life as stress-free as possible. Having only One Job: staying sober.
And my Poor-Me-I-Need-Wine status started to crumble. I started really thinking about what I could NOT do, what tasks and obligations I could put off, reassign to someone else (even if this meant paying them to do so) or just plain not do. And about how I might 'treat' myself, add in some things that feed my soul even with this hectic schedule. The specifics of these actions will obviously vary from person to person- and my list is growing steadily.
I'm not sure whether not reading Sober Mom Write's post would have led me to give in to that calling of wine, but I do know that reading this post had a profound impact on how I am planning my support for the next weeks.
Self Care, I guess, is a major component of successful abstinence!
I recently read the best article on introverts, but couldn't begin to tell you where it was. haha That's the downfall of being a voracious reader on the internet - can't bookmark everything!
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I realized that I am indeed, an introvert. Like you, I had to be an extrovert in my work world. I spent all day being a people person, talking with dozens of people, and it wore me out!!! By the time I got home, I was exhausted. I used to joke that my love language was "leave me alone"! Too much time around people makes me restless, irritable, and discontent.
When I became ill, I was told to list my top 10 priorities and cross off the bottom 5, and ask for help. At first I refused. And then I had no choice. To my utter disbelief, the world did not come to an end. I had to ask for help and accept the help given, even if it wasn't "just right" or didn't match my perfectionistic standards. Still, the world did not end. A few years ago, it was a crisis if I got the wrong brand of toothpaste. Now, I'm just thankful that someone cares enough to shop for me and when they get the wrong thing, I view it as an opportunity to try something new.
I wish I could have learned these lessons without illness. But I'm stubborn. My wish for you is that you be kind to yourself, delegate, and let go of the little stuff. When you do, you'll experience a whole new level of freedom! You're worth it :)
I'm long-winded. Hope that doesn't equal "preachy", cause I abhor preachy!
I wonder if introverts are more likely to have problems with alcohol than extroverts are? We need a randomized, double-blind, placebo-controlled trial, lol!!
ReplyDeleteThus is ending another day without wine. This one was a little tough. Flying to Atlanta tomorrow on a very early flight doesn't seem all that enticing- but I have committed to giving talks. Perhaps the winter storms will make all the airports shut down, and I will have to stay home, she says wistfully!