I am thinking hard about what I want to do next.
I am very grateful for information about others' experiences.
Me: What would I want from alcohol that I don't have now without it?
The other me: Well, a little more fun with awesome mental vacations to anticipate. But it is true that alcohol fucks with your sleep, and keeps you from having your full energy to tackle the next day.
Me: So why would I want the extra expense and calories?
Other me: Um- body weight? You've gained about 7 pounds since starting the 100 days, and I know how much that bothers you. With more alcohol again, it would be easier to eat less, and not have those Carb-rich treats that your body doesn't handle well.
Me: So, if I continued with no alcohol, and stopped having food treats- where would I find that short-term daily respite?
Other me: What about your weekly massage?
Me: I already do that anyway, to keep me in good shape for my weight-lifting, so although it is a treat, it is one I am already used to, so there is no mood boost there?
Other me: What about other treats?
Me: One of the joys and problems of being relatively affluent is that when I really really want something, I usually just buy it.
Other me: Yeah, I can see how taking away things you currently do for yourself in order to call them treats really doesn't work.
Me: Days on end without alcohol or carb treats sounds pretty bleak.
Other me: Well, so did days on end without alcohol when you first started this.
Me; True. Are you suggesting I should/could just suck up the misery of no alcohol and low carb and wait to get used to it.
Other me: I guess I was, but that doesn't really sound very attractive/do-able, does it?
Me; No.
Other me: Let's talk some more later. I understand that fitness is a huge big deal for you. Perhaps striving to be the best you possibly can in this area, by continuing with no alcohol AND going back to your usual low carb eating could somehow work. I know it would make you feel good- it's just an issue of how to reward yourself, and keep yourself from feeling so deprived that you say Fuck It, and go out to buy a box of wine and a whole coconut cake.
Me: Yeah. OK. I'll be pondering this.
Mrs D: try other treats like lots of fresh flowers, a juicer (green juices are fab!), magazines, scented candles, and a nice calm healthy state of mind.
ReplyDeleteI like this post a lot. Seems to me like you are doing great and separating out the addictive voice .. it will get quieter and quieter the longer you don't drink (did for me anyway).. keep on keeping on! xxx
Yeah, good point. I think I am confusing whether or not to try drinking now with the sustainability of the particular rewards (higher carb foods) that I have chosen. They are not the same.
DeleteI had this conversation with a friend of mine last year. Me: It's the end of a day, I hurt, I want to relax, it's a treat, something to look forward to.
ReplyDeleteHer: Funny you consider a poison to your body a treat. Why can't a good book and a bath be a treat? Or watching a movie without the booze and cigs? Lots of other things!
It's not a treat the next morning I can tell ya! My liver doesn't think it's a treat, nor my lungs. damn it, my whole body. It's Wolfie who wants the treat. That "other" who doesn't care about us.
Still I am struggling to get my mind wrapped around sobriety again.
Thanks for this reminder :)
Instant clarity!! "Funny you consider a poison to your body a treat."
DeleteIt really isn't, is it? It is that insidious Wolfie, turning meanings on their head again.