Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Sober Day #106: Dreaming of Wine.

More drinking dreams!

Night before last: I was touring a city-  possibly Paris, or Luxembourg-walking around by myself, thoroughly enjoying my explorations.  I was carrying a small glass- shot glass size- of Grand Marnier (which IS my favorite liqueur) and it was very important to keep stopping places to have it refilled.  In this dream, I had no awareness of participating in the Challenge, and no guilty or shameful feelings about drinking, I was just enjoying it.  Although actually, now that I consider it again, perhaps there was a little sort-of-gleeful feeling about semi-sneaking around with this alcohol, knowing that I was outside the norms of behaviour, a little feeling of defiance or rebellion.

Last night: I was aware of this challenge and just where I am in real life.  I had 'accidentally' drunk two glasses of wine.  I was at that stage of "Oh, screw, I'll just drink until I fall asleep, that sounds so delicious".  And yet, I was pausing there, actually weighing the pros and cons of continuing to drink.  I think I was leaning toward not drinking more.  And I was also very aware that whatever I decided, I was going to lie to myself and everyone else about having 'slipped'.

When I awoke, I'm not sure which bothered me more, having consumed wine while intending not to, or intending to lie about having consumed wine.

So my subconscious appears quite interested in discussing drinking/not drinking with me. And probably has some pointers/meanings for me- if I were clever enough to decipher them.  


  1. I saw your comment on the article about Elaine Stritch. I have almost 5 years sober and I can say that not only does life get better, but the obession has been lifted provided I follow a few simple steps. I just wanted to share my experience that no matter what amount of time an alcoholic has, it will never be OK to drink. I hope that you do not take it as an example that maybe someday you can drink sucessfully. After seeing your awesome blog about your journey so far, I would hate to see you mislead into a false belief. Problem or heavy drinkers may be able to control their drinking, but alcoholics who suffer from the allergy, spiritual malidy, and mental obsession rarely ever are able to control and enjoy their drinking. :)

  2. Thank you for your wisdom, and for taking the time to share it!

  3. Yeah I know the feeling.. hate that goddam subconscious for tripping us up. Thankfully we're now in control of our consciousness and not drinking! So take that subconscious!! Ha ha xxx

    1. I have a slightly different approach to dreams, Mrs. D. I am impressed by the Jungian approach which sees our egos as small frail vessels floating on the vast see of our unconsciousness, which is our true authentic self. Small manipulative ego is the part that gets caught up in daily drama and problems like addiction. Our dreams are one of the few ways our authentic unconsciousness can communicate with our daily ego positions, that part we identify as 'self'. Understanding how things are really going for yourself, or areas you need to pay more attention to are often highlighted by dreams, if we are wise and self-aware enough to understand the symbolism. One writer I particularly like who takes this approach is James Hollis:

    2. Oops, I meant 'sea', not 'see'- a Freudian slip??

    3. Hi Carrie,
      good to catch up on your posts after a few days away from blogland. I'm interested to read that James Hollis book. All my life I have had a dream about living in a fairly dark and cramped place, and then unexpectedly finding a door to a lovely bright spacious part of the house I either didn't know was there, or had forgotten about. I've had that dream so many times, with different houses, but the same idea. It was only recently while writing my journal I realised -- that dream is about me -- my small, limited ego self and my pure, wise, intelligent self. Very cool. Not sure why it's taken 50+ years to see that but... Oh Well!

    4. Hey, Sue! Those dreams sound like there are some fabulous explorations ahead for you! (One of the benefits of aging is having a deep enough experience that we can pay attention to things that just flashed by when we were in our 20's- or dancing with Wolfie). If you read that book, I'd be really interested to hear your thoughts on it!


I'd love to hear about your journey, and hear your take on my journey. Comments are very welcome!!