So I have now made my decision: 2014 will be an alcohol-free year for me. But what a tussle it has been arriving at this.
Here are the things that tipped the scale toward continued abstinence for now:
(1) Listening to the experience of those who have had problems with moderation after abstinence. Which would be, as far as I can tell, everyone.
(2) Mrs. D, helping me see that I was confusing the two decisions: Whether to drink now, and what to use as sustainable rewards rather than food.
(3) A short kindle book called Between Drinks, as well as the many others I have read.
(4) Belle's counsel, about if it's working now, why take chances.
(5) My therapist's comment about the 3-6 month time period being the most dangerous for relapse when changing any sort of ingrained habit
(6) A long involved dream last night, which boiled down to a several-stage international flight gone awry, with all sorts of bizarre happenings, ending up where I'd started, feeling very annoyed about the whole thing. I decided the flight corresponded to trialing alcohol now, and that the ending would be wishing I hadn't.
(7) Lastly, my personal feeling of bouyancy, once I made this decision. I know it is right for me now.
My next task now? Coming up with an awesome panel of rewards and incentive to support and celebrate this decision.
Carrie, that sounds like such a solid decision. Good for you for making it. I have to say, I can feel your relief, and I'm relieved, too! Yesterday, I tried to comment but wasn't sure I could say it right. But the "mental vacation" in your post was one of the things that's a red flag for me. That's the siren song, and it's the reason I know I'm not safe drinking at all these days. Anyway, thanks for making your decision process public. It was helpful to see (hear?) the various voices, which are so similar to my own.So congrats on the decision, and here's to a great rest of 2014!!!
ReplyDeleteYeah, it was a red flag for me, too. If it still carries that much emotional weight, I am not neutral about drinking, and this is not the time to experiment. Thank you so much for your input!
DeleteYeah and just accept that there are going to be some bumps and twists and turns and tough times and great times and all you have to do is press on through the year and not drink and great things will come! (ok I can't predict with absolute certainty what will come.. it might not be 'great' so much as 'calm and lovely' or 'revelatory and peaceful' or it might be 'tricky but worthwhile'.. only time will tell.. here's to a fantastic sober 2014!! xxx
ReplyDeleteMrs D, you are the greatest! And I'm carrying on with this Great Sober Adventure.
Delete"Lastly, my personal feeling of bouyancy, once I made this decision." This is such a great reason. Follow your gut and you are on the right path. I truly believe that. Can't wait to see what is in store for you. :) -Jen
ReplyDeleteGiddy, that's me! Jen- thank you! It should be an interesting year!
DeleteI am very happy to hear this! As one who is currently struggling, having drunk again after a long spell off, I can tell you that it is far easier to stay ON the wagon than get back on it. And also that, yes, I have yet to see anyone here really post about how they started to drink again and were able to moderate just fine, having learned a lot and changed their relationship with alcohol. It is possible I am sure BUT I think if you get to the point of blogging about your problematic relationship with alcohol it is probably problematic enough not to be that easily fixed.
ReplyDeleteI do not think you will regret this decision in a year's time but you might well regret drinking again.
Yay you!
Lilly
Lilly: Yeah, that was part of what tipped me to this decision- the feeling I got from so many blog that although it sounded easy: Have a drink now and then, but NOT most of the time? It didn't look like there was a high success rate. Your kindness in telling your story is much appreciated!
DeleteI hope you're going to keep writing about your journey Carrie. I really look forward to reading your posts. Great to hear you're feeling buoyant and positive about the decision. Here's to an awesome 2014.
ReplyDeleteSue- this community has become very important to me. Writing this blog is a major help for me in sorting out and focusing on sobriety. I'm definitely continuing!
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