I have been married a long time. My husband has known me since I was a college freshman, not even considering medical school, not intending to get married for a long long time, planning on never having children. We got married about 6 months after we met, I've been a surgeon for many years, and our three children are 16 (F), 20 (M) and 21 (F).
This was also before I'd ever had more than a sip or 2 or wine or beer from someone else's glass. Gradually, over time, he's seen me spiral deeper and deeper into a bit more, then another glass, well, maybe another, heck, yeah, I'll have one more. And our relationship has changed to accommodate this. He's remained a two glasses of red wine most evenings drinker.
The fact that he works about 5 hours away, and stays there a lot of the time brings a sharper focus to the changes in our relationship. The recent very snowy/icy weather has meant difficult roads for this 5 hour drive, so this was the first weekend he's been home in a month.
Just before he got home, I had dreams 2 nights in a row about marrying him. All with a twist- like in one, I was wearing a wedding dress I'd designed, with multiple very bright graphic green and yellow prints! I think this was all about, almost literally, entering into a new marriage.
When he called to surprise me that he'd be home on Friday, rather than Saturday as planned, my first reaction? Disappointment. What? Well, I had my Friday evening planned, they've sort of become routine. A food treat (I eat very low carb most of the time), some new magazines or a new novel, and very early to bed before a 3-hour workout (I know, I know, but it's a one hour pilates class, a one hour barre class and an hour of weight-lifting with my trainer, so it's not really over-achieving, lol) on Saturday mornings. And now I'd have to change that.
Hmmm, I said to myself. Really? I mean, really? Why, just why, do you think you have to change what you plan to do because he is home? Um, because. Because, because, Well, I'm not really sure why. I decided to stick to my plan for the evening and proceed, with a strong commitment to being authentic. And it turned out, he was wondering if I'd mind him going to meet up with some old friends/colleagues for a beer. I had my treats, and when he returned home about 9 PM, I said, wanna go to bed early with me? And so that worked out fine!
And the weekend proceeded like that, me initially thinking I'd have to modify the works-for-me-sober weekend activities I've developed, and then finding they meshed quite well with his plans- and also finding that both of us could be quite flexible to accommodate what the other was wanting.
Our relationship has always been good, but this is a whole new level, a whole new marriage, and I am liking it very much!