Sober Day #125: Marriage/Partnerships and Sobriety

I have been married a long time.  My husband has known me since I was a college freshman, not even considering medical school, not intending to get married for a long long time, planning on never having children.  We got married about 6 months after we met, I've been a surgeon for many years, and our three children are 16 (F), 20 (M) and 21 (F).

This was also before I'd ever had more than a sip or 2 or wine or beer from someone else's glass.  Gradually, over time, he's seen me spiral deeper and deeper into a bit more, then another glass, well, maybe another, heck, yeah, I'll have one more.  And our relationship has changed to accommodate this.  He's remained a two glasses of red wine most evenings drinker.

The fact that he works about 5 hours away, and stays there a lot of the time brings a sharper focus to the changes in our relationship.  The recent very snowy/icy weather has meant difficult roads for this 5 hour drive, so this was the first weekend he's been home in a month.

Just before he got home, I had dreams 2 nights in a row about marrying him.  All with a twist- like in one, I was wearing a wedding dress I'd designed, with multiple very bright graphic green and yellow prints!  I think this was all about, almost literally, entering into a new marriage.

When he called to surprise me that he'd be home on Friday, rather than Saturday as planned, my first reaction?  Disappointment.  What?  Well, I had my Friday evening planned, they've sort of become routine.  A food treat (I eat very low carb most of the time), some new magazines or a new novel, and very early to bed before a 3-hour workout (I know, I know, but it's a one hour pilates class, a one hour barre class and an hour of weight-lifting with my trainer, so it's not really over-achieving, lol) on Saturday mornings.  And now I'd have to change that.

Hmmm, I said to myself. Really?  I mean, really?  Why, just why, do you think you have to change what you plan to do because he is home? Um, because.  Because, because,  Well, I'm not really sure why.  I decided to stick to my plan for the evening and proceed, with a strong commitment to being authentic.  And it turned out, he was wondering if I'd mind him going to meet up with some old friends/colleagues for a beer.  I had my treats, and when he returned home about 9 PM, I said, wanna go to bed early with me?  And so that worked out fine!

And the weekend proceeded like that, me initially thinking I'd have to modify the works-for-me-sober weekend activities I've developed, and then finding they meshed quite well with his plans-  and also finding that both of us could be quite flexible to accommodate what the other was wanting.

Our relationship has always been good, but this is a whole new level, a whole new marriage, and I am liking it very much!