I do love New Orleans. I may have initially, long ago, decided I like the city because alcohol is so much a part of the casual culture here. I wonder?
It is so interesting seeing New Orleans without alcohol- without planning meals in restaurants to be sure they are in a place that serves alcohol, without mapping out where the local wine/liquor stores are, without having whole chunks of my day defined by alcohol consumed.
I actually think I may like being sober. This surprises me, since I'd thought of a life without alcohol as a Life defined by a continuous feeling of Deprivation. And I'm not really feeling deprived, except in a minute or two, here and there, mostly when a Habit-Thought relating to obtaining or drinking alcohol kicks in, and then I realize, Oops, I'm not doing that right now.
It is still an alien feeling, though, this feeling fully present all the time, to myself, my companions, my surroundings. A wee bit I feel like I'm in a strange foreign country, and equally I feel like I'm home to a comfortable loving place that I'd forgotten I belonged to.
This is a sensually-rich city. The house we are renting is just off St. Charles, and I love hearing the streetcars go by! Audobon Park is just a few blocks away, and what a lovely place that is!! DH and I are both still liking the idea of retiring here eventually- and we're having fun driving around (it's rainy, making our usual walking-biking mode a little less attractive than usual) vetting different neighborhoods and imagining ourselves living in them.
We are now off to lunch in a French Quarter restaurant owned by the family of one of my patients- apparently a New Orleans institution that I've somehow missed before. I'm almost drooling in anticipation of more great food!!
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
Monday, November 25, 2013
Sober Day #27- Sleep: Restore to Factory Settings
I'm having a fabulous time on my New Orleans vacation- even without alcohol.
One of the biggest changes for me over the past nearly-four-weeks has been sleep. Judging from the other blogs, that seems to be a universal theme for early sobriety.
Before (i.e., with alcohol) my typical night involved 4.5-5 hours in bed. Much of that was poor-quality sleep, disturbed by metabolizing the large amount of alcohol in my system when I went to bed. Although I occasionally remembered dreams, I doubt if I regularly got much REM sleep at all. This has been my pattern for a couple of decades at least.
From day #1 of this challenge, I have been craving more sleep. I've been tracking my sleep times in my journal, and note that I've been getting 7.5-8 hours of sleep most nights. Since I get up at 5:30 almost every day, this involved astoundingly early bedtimes, like 9PM. And yet it feels very nourishing.
On the two nights we've been in New Orleans so far, I have been in bed an amazing total of 12 hours or so a night. And most of that time was actually spent sleeping, lol! I feel so relaxed, so calm, so full (and not just full of the wonderful food that flourishes here- also full, as in fully charged, ready for any activity or fun that comes along).
It really does feel like I am getting the amount of quality sleep my body needs, finally. Like I am making up for a many-year sleep deficit, and getting to the way a person should feel, rested and full (not just full of the wonderful food that flourishes here, but also full, as in the energy tank is topped off, restored to factory settings, so I am energetic and enthusiastic about whatever comes along!
Hurray for sleep!!
One of the biggest changes for me over the past nearly-four-weeks has been sleep. Judging from the other blogs, that seems to be a universal theme for early sobriety.
Before (i.e., with alcohol) my typical night involved 4.5-5 hours in bed. Much of that was poor-quality sleep, disturbed by metabolizing the large amount of alcohol in my system when I went to bed. Although I occasionally remembered dreams, I doubt if I regularly got much REM sleep at all. This has been my pattern for a couple of decades at least.
From day #1 of this challenge, I have been craving more sleep. I've been tracking my sleep times in my journal, and note that I've been getting 7.5-8 hours of sleep most nights. Since I get up at 5:30 almost every day, this involved astoundingly early bedtimes, like 9PM. And yet it feels very nourishing.
On the two nights we've been in New Orleans so far, I have been in bed an amazing total of 12 hours or so a night. And most of that time was actually spent sleeping, lol! I feel so relaxed, so calm, so full (and not just full of the wonderful food that flourishes here- also full, as in fully charged, ready for any activity or fun that comes along).
It really does feel like I am getting the amount of quality sleep my body needs, finally. Like I am making up for a many-year sleep deficit, and getting to the way a person should feel, rested and full (not just full of the wonderful food that flourishes here, but also full, as in the energy tank is topped off, restored to factory settings, so I am energetic and enthusiastic about whatever comes along!
Hurray for sleep!!
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Sober Day #26- Flying without Wine
I have always been a Fearful Flyer. I would not get on a plane without at least one glass of wine in me, even if it was a 7 AM flight. (Sometimes awkward, lol!) International flights? Glass after glass of wine until I fell asleep. I guess I thought I would self-destruct without that cushion, that self-erected zone of I am Not Really Here.
Yesterday I got to the airport, and went through security. My default after that is to head immediately to the closest bar. And I did. But I ordered iced tea and a salad. When at the next airport between flights, I bought a diet coke and some cashews and nibbled on these while recharging my phone and reading the morning's WSJ which I'd brought along (hard to read newspapers on planes!!)
I got on the next flight, and arrived here in New Orleans. And here I am!
How was it? Almost painless. I did stock up on a backpack full of magazines, and a few cross-word puzzles to distract myself.
Final Diagnosis: I guess I must have long ago outgrown being a Fearful Flyer without realizing it. Another revelation of this sobriety experiment. I keep finding out that I am Stronger than I thought. In a lot of ways, excess use of wine seems to be an emotional crutch that I no longer need. Wow!
Yesterday I got to the airport, and went through security. My default after that is to head immediately to the closest bar. And I did. But I ordered iced tea and a salad. When at the next airport between flights, I bought a diet coke and some cashews and nibbled on these while recharging my phone and reading the morning's WSJ which I'd brought along (hard to read newspapers on planes!!)
I got on the next flight, and arrived here in New Orleans. And here I am!
How was it? Almost painless. I did stock up on a backpack full of magazines, and a few cross-word puzzles to distract myself.
Final Diagnosis: I guess I must have long ago outgrown being a Fearful Flyer without realizing it. Another revelation of this sobriety experiment. I keep finding out that I am Stronger than I thought. In a lot of ways, excess use of wine seems to be an emotional crutch that I no longer need. Wow!
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Sober Day #25: Two Percent More Brain!!
What follows is from the medical journal Brain. (Full reference at the bottom of the page, if you wish to read the whole article- this is just the abstract.) Here I am at Day #25. If you interpolate the timeline in this article, this means that chances are that I have now gained about 1% in total brain volume over the past weeks. I'm not sure what that means functionally, but I nevertheless find it very encouraging!! I mean, how cool is this??
Chronic alcohol abuse results in morphological, metabolic, and functional brain damage which may, to some extent, be reversible with early effects upon abstinence. Although morphometric, spectroscopic, and neuropsychological indicators of cerebral regeneration have been described previously, the overall amount and spatial preference of early brain recovery attained by abstinence and its associations with other indicators of regeneration are not well established. We investigated global and local brain volume changes in a longitudinal two-timepoint study with T1-weighted MRI at admission and after short-term (6–7 weeks) sobriety follow-up in 15 uncomplicated, recently detoxified alcoholics. Volumetric brain gain was related to metabolic and neuropsychological recovery. On admission and after short-term abstinence, structural image evaluation using normalization of atrophy (SIENA), its voxelwise statistical extension to multiple subjects, proton MR spectroscopy (1H-MRS), and neuropsychological tests were applied. Upon short-term sobriety, 1H-MRS levels of cerebellar choline and frontomesial N-acetylaspartate (NAA) were significantly augmented. Automatically detected global brain volume gain amounted to nearly two per cent on average and was spatially significant around the superior vermis, perimesencephalic, periventricular and frontal brain edges. It correlated positively with the percentages of cerebellar and frontomesial choline increase, as detected by 1H-MRS. Moreover, frontomesial NAA gains were associated with improved performance on the d2-test of attention. In 10 age- and gender-matched healthy control subjects, no significant brain volume or metabolite changes were observed. Although cerebral osmotic regulations may occur initially upon sobriety, significant increases of cerebellar choline and frontomesial NAA levels detected at stable brain water integrals and creatine concentrations, serum electrolytes and red blood cell indices in our patient sample suggest that early brain recovery through abstinence does not simply reflect rehydration. Instead, even the adult human brain and particularly its white matter seems to possess genuine capabilities for regrowth. Our findings emphasize metabolic as well as regionally distinct morphological capacities for partial brain recovery from toxic insults of chronic alcoholism and substantiate early measurable benefits of therapeutic sobriety. Further understanding of the precise mechanisms of this recovery may become a valuable model of brain regeneration with relevance for other disorders.
Chronic alcohol abuse results in morphological, metabolic, and functional brain damage which may, to some extent, be reversible with early effects upon abstinence. Although morphometric, spectroscopic, and neuropsychological indicators of cerebral regeneration have been described previously, the overall amount and spatial preference of early brain recovery attained by abstinence and its associations with other indicators of regeneration are not well established. We investigated global and local brain volume changes in a longitudinal two-timepoint study with T1-weighted MRI at admission and after short-term (6–7 weeks) sobriety follow-up in 15 uncomplicated, recently detoxified alcoholics. Volumetric brain gain was related to metabolic and neuropsychological recovery. On admission and after short-term abstinence, structural image evaluation using normalization of atrophy (SIENA), its voxelwise statistical extension to multiple subjects, proton MR spectroscopy (1H-MRS), and neuropsychological tests were applied. Upon short-term sobriety, 1H-MRS levels of cerebellar choline and frontomesial N-acetylaspartate (NAA) were significantly augmented. Automatically detected global brain volume gain amounted to nearly two per cent on average and was spatially significant around the superior vermis, perimesencephalic, periventricular and frontal brain edges. It correlated positively with the percentages of cerebellar and frontomesial choline increase, as detected by 1H-MRS. Moreover, frontomesial NAA gains were associated with improved performance on the d2-test of attention. In 10 age- and gender-matched healthy control subjects, no significant brain volume or metabolite changes were observed. Although cerebral osmotic regulations may occur initially upon sobriety, significant increases of cerebellar choline and frontomesial NAA levels detected at stable brain water integrals and creatine concentrations, serum electrolytes and red blood cell indices in our patient sample suggest that early brain recovery through abstinence does not simply reflect rehydration. Instead, even the adult human brain and particularly its white matter seems to possess genuine capabilities for regrowth. Our findings emphasize metabolic as well as regionally distinct morphological capacities for partial brain recovery from toxic insults of chronic alcoholism and substantiate early measurable benefits of therapeutic sobriety. Further understanding of the precise mechanisms of this recovery may become a valuable model of brain regeneration with relevance for other disorders.
- Andreas J. Bartsch1,
- György Homola1,
- Armin Biller1,
- Stephen M. Smith3,
- Heinz-Gerd Weijers2,
- Gerhard A. Wiesbeck5,
- Mark Jenkinson3,
- Nicola De Stefano4,
- László Solymosi1 and
- Martin Bendszus1. Manifestations of early brain recovery associated with abstinence from alcoholism. Brain Vol 130, Issue 1, Pages 36-47
Friday, November 22, 2013
Sober Day #24- Alcohol and Routine and Travel
For the last 24 days, I have been at home, settling into my normal routine: Normal work hours, normal school hours for daughter. I am getting used to the rhythm of this, and each evening without wine is a little easier than the next. But a new challenge is coming up.
Tomorrow we leave to spend the week of Thanksgiving in New Orleans. I've spent a fair amount of time there, although I've never lived there. We love the city, and it is where we eventually plan to retire. BUT- it is definitely the land to Big Eating and Big Drinking!!! I certainly plan to take advantage of the Eating- but I do not plan to drink. I mean, I will not drink. And this will be new, and possibly difficult. Usually when we spend time in New Orleans, we get right into the routine of a lot of great food and great drink. I'm not sure if approaching this routine with a major change- no alcohol- will be hard or not.
DH has decided he will support me by not ordering wine or beer for himself when we are eating out. He loves his glass or two of red wine each evening, so I really appreciate this help! (And he is one of those who has his two glasses of wine, and switched to Fresca- no problem. sigh.)
I've been noticing at home that I am more aware, more noticing of little details of delight- tastes, sounds, smells, etc- that I would in the past zip by in my hurry to get to the next glass of wine. There is so much to appreciate in New Orleans- I am hoping the richness of the new appreciation of my senses and surroundings will compensate for the 'loss' of the rosy glow of wine.
Tomorrow we leave to spend the week of Thanksgiving in New Orleans. I've spent a fair amount of time there, although I've never lived there. We love the city, and it is where we eventually plan to retire. BUT- it is definitely the land to Big Eating and Big Drinking!!! I certainly plan to take advantage of the Eating- but I do not plan to drink. I mean, I will not drink. And this will be new, and possibly difficult. Usually when we spend time in New Orleans, we get right into the routine of a lot of great food and great drink. I'm not sure if approaching this routine with a major change- no alcohol- will be hard or not.
DH has decided he will support me by not ordering wine or beer for himself when we are eating out. He loves his glass or two of red wine each evening, so I really appreciate this help! (And he is one of those who has his two glasses of wine, and switched to Fresca- no problem. sigh.)
I've been noticing at home that I am more aware, more noticing of little details of delight- tastes, sounds, smells, etc- that I would in the past zip by in my hurry to get to the next glass of wine. There is so much to appreciate in New Orleans- I am hoping the richness of the new appreciation of my senses and surroundings will compensate for the 'loss' of the rosy glow of wine.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Sober Day #23: How the Mundane supports Sobriety
It's that everyday routine that could easily go awry when I was ending every day with multiple glasses of wine. The bed's not made? So what!! The sink is full of dirty dishes? Who cares? The dirty laundry is piling up and the garden has more weeds than flowers? I'll get around to it tomorrow.
What a change! Our bed looks so pretty with its colorful comforter and piles of plush pillows. The dishwasher is loaded and running, and the kitchen counters are clean and sparkling. Laundry is all caught up, and the few flowers and other plants surviving the cold at this time of year have plenty of weed-free room to 'breathe'. There is nothing inherently morally admirable about completing any of these activities, they do make a difference. In a Feng Shui sort of sense, having a clean, tidy and orderly environment keeps my brain clearer.
And a clearer brain makes less anxiety, and less anxiety makes less of a drive to seek solace in wine.
This is very satisfying!!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Losing the Alcohol-Induced Drama: Sober Day #22
When I drink to excess, it creates a lot of drama in my life. Not Soap-Opera, Tangle-with-the-Law drama. Or even Throw-Things-in-a-Fit-of-Anger Drama. Just Making-every-Day-Hard Drama.
It starts with waking up later than intended, feeling sluggish. There's the drama of racing to get to work. Hoping to be presentably dressed and smelling good. Ignoring the pile of dishes in the sink and the unmade beds, living on the adrenaline of the last moment.
Then the drama of last-minute surges to meet deadlines at work. And, oops, the deadline or two I forgot about. Work like a fiend to get these done, fueled on caffeine and adrenalin. The drama of finding something to eat, since I forgot to bring a lunch. Figuring out where to stop to buy wine on the way home. Figuring out my 15 yo daughter's schedule, so I am able to drive her safely where she needs to go.
Today, I got up with plenty of time to have a Diet Coke (my version of coffee), read the paper, do a load of laundry, straighten up the remaining kitchen mess. In a little while, I will be showered and dressed, with my lunch safely stowed in my bag, ready to drop Daughter off at school on my way to work.
Which feels better? Hands down, I'll take a morning like today over any pleasure and escapism of drinking at night.
Who knew?
It starts with waking up later than intended, feeling sluggish. There's the drama of racing to get to work. Hoping to be presentably dressed and smelling good. Ignoring the pile of dishes in the sink and the unmade beds, living on the adrenaline of the last moment.
Then the drama of last-minute surges to meet deadlines at work. And, oops, the deadline or two I forgot about. Work like a fiend to get these done, fueled on caffeine and adrenalin. The drama of finding something to eat, since I forgot to bring a lunch. Figuring out where to stop to buy wine on the way home. Figuring out my 15 yo daughter's schedule, so I am able to drive her safely where she needs to go.
Today, I got up with plenty of time to have a Diet Coke (my version of coffee), read the paper, do a load of laundry, straighten up the remaining kitchen mess. In a little while, I will be showered and dressed, with my lunch safely stowed in my bag, ready to drop Daughter off at school on my way to work.
Which feels better? Hands down, I'll take a morning like today over any pleasure and escapism of drinking at night.
Who knew?
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