Sober Day #36- Month Two Blues

The past few days I've been having a more difficult time with alcohol-resisting.  I've even caught the thoughts going through my head "Why am I doing this stupid challenge anyway?" and "Surely just one night of drinking wine wouldn't harm me now?" and "I wouldn't even have to admit it on my blog!"

Oops.  Full stop.  Think again.

#1:  I am committed to telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth on this blog.  So much for lying about alcohol intake!!

#2:  I am doing this challenge because alcohol was affecting much more of my life than I felt was safe or healthy.  I am doing this challenge because I made a commitment to it. And I am stubborn.  And I am competitive with myself.  And so I will complete these 100 days, even when it is uncomfortable or stressful.

#3:  In light of these truths, even one night of wine now would be harmful, and I will not do it.

Sigh. 

Sober Day #27- Sleep: Restore to Factory Settings

I'm having a fabulous time on my New Orleans vacation- even without alcohol.

One of the biggest changes for me over the past nearly-four-weeks has been sleep.  Judging from the other blogs, that seems to be a universal theme for early sobriety.

Before (i.e., with alcohol) my typical night involved 4.5-5 hours in bed.  Much of that was poor-quality sleep, disturbed by metabolizing the large amount of alcohol in my system when I went to bed.  Although I occasionally remembered dreams, I doubt if I regularly got much REM sleep at all.  This has been my pattern for a couple of decades at least.

From day #1 of this challenge, I have been craving more sleep.  I've been tracking my sleep times in my journal, and note that I've been getting 7.5-8 hours of sleep most nights.  Since I get up at 5:30 almost every day, this involved astoundingly early bedtimes, like 9PM.  And yet it feels very nourishing.

On the two nights we've been in New Orleans so far, I have been in bed an amazing total of 12 hours or so a night.  And most of that time was actually spent sleeping, lol!  I feel so relaxed, so calm, so full (and not just full of the wonderful food that flourishes here- also full, as in fully charged, ready for any activity or fun that comes along).

It really does feel like I am getting the amount of quality sleep my body needs, finally.  Like I am making up for a many-year sleep deficit, and getting to the way a person should feel, rested and full (not just full of the wonderful food that flourishes here, but also full, as in the energy tank is topped off, restored to factory settings, so I am energetic and enthusiastic about whatever comes along!

Hurray for sleep!!

Sober Day #20- A Bit of a Let Down

I'm working on cutting down on diet coke at the same time as I am cutting out alcohol.  Today at Whole Foods I got a ton of different seltzer waters and flavored zero calorie drinks- auditioning an evening drink substitute.

This weekend was a bit more difficult than the last for me.  I think the initial novelty of feeling good, getting good sleep, losing the brain fog, is beginning to fade.  In its place there is a quiet enjoyment of this, but also more of a space to miss alcohol.  It's the habits that end up making me feel a bit bereft.  The:  let's go out for Sunday lunch and a glass or two of wine.  The Sunday evening wine while cooking dinner.  It's not that it takes great effort to resist, but more that I feel more acutely the absence of what seemed a nurturing and enjoyable habit.  Obviously, this was a false friendship, and had become a habit that was interfering with living my personal Best Life-  but it still feels like an empty hole.

However, I am plodding forward toward my 100 days, and do not think I will ever become a daily drinker again.  Sigh.