Sober Day #75- Pushing Back against Habit

Yesterday I realized how embedded drinking is in my Meeting/Vacation mode.  I thought more about wine yesterday than I have in the last couple of weeks all put together.  Everyplace my glance landed, people were drinking alcohol.  By the pool, on the beach, at all the sidewalk cafes, at a raucous gay bar spilling out onto the street- Yow!

But the architecture:  Look at this neighboring Art Deco hotel.

Don't you just love the font of the sign?  And the secondary pattern the shadow of the railing makes on the stairs?  (And no, the photo may be tipsy, but I was not!)

But will all that temptation, I did not drink.  Why not? I asked myself this morning.  Where did I find the strength to push back against habit and environment and desire?

And my answer came down to:  I won't be ruled by any person or thing.  I will NOT dive into alcohol again as a compulsion, or as an escape, or as a need.  I am a very stubborn determined person, and I am now choosing not to give away my personal power to a substance.  

How did I come to be so dependent on alcohol in the past?  I can't explain this, except as formerly not knowing I could sit with negative emotions, and they too would pass.  BUT, I can make different choices for the future.  

And that is what I am doing, each time that thought crosses my mind:  Wouldn't a nice cold glass of wine taste/feel really good right now?  And I answer myself:  Remember, sweetie, we are not having wine today.  Oh, yeah, that's right, the other part replies.  

This is very hard, right now, and requires huge expenditures of energy-  but I am trusting it will become quieter and easier.

Home to the cold and the snow today :(

Sober Days #72, #73 and #74. Feeding the Soul instead of Quieting it with Alcohol

I am at a business meeting in South Beach (Miami).  This is another place awash in alcohol.  And I've been OK.

Walking down Ocean Drive last night was entertaining.  There are a zillion restaurants and bars- all well inhabited with exuberant crowds.  Lots of alcohol was flowing.  Mr. and a friend and I ate at one of the quieter places, a seafood restaurant.  Mister had his two glasses of red wine, and friend and I sipped club sodas with lime. (Friend is having a mostly non-drinking 2014 for ideological reasons, not "no off switch" problems like I have, but it was still companionable not to be the only person at our small table not-drinking).

When I first started this 100 day challenge, I asked Mister not to drink when we were in restaurants together, and he was kind enough to agree.  A few weeks ago I told him I didn't need that support any more- and I don't.

Despite all the alcohol flowing here, there are two things (besides getting to spend some awesome down-time with Mister) that feed that always-hungry part of my soul- that I used to quiet with alcohol.  

#1= Women in my field are a minority of practitioners.  There are many I have known for 20+ years as well as some younger ones I've gotten to know more recently.  I realize they are a kind of 'family' for me, although we are geographically far-flung around the US.  I have decided to be more active in maintaining my contacts with them rather than just meeting up randomly at conferences.  They are delightful, inspiring and living-life-fully people whom I really enjoy!

#2 = South Beach is a hotbed of Art Deco architecture- so much so that the variant here actually has its own name, Tropical Deco.    And Art Deco is my Very Favorite style.  This afternoon after meetings Mister and I plan a long long walk around the Art Deco neighborhoods, a Deco-Photo-Safari!  Besides making glass beads, one of my other artistic outlets is making wonderful modern quilts-  sort of a hybrid between what Grandma used to make and abstract modernism.  I have always meant to try working in a series of quilts- so now I am going to do it.  I will pick out half a dozen or so of my very favorite buildings, and design building-inspired quilts incorporating colors, motifs, etc, from each building in its corresponding quilt. And another hearty form of Soul Food for me.

This morning I am feeling "Who needs alcohol anyway?"-ish.  It was harder last night when the host or hostess of each restaurant was accosting us with "Half Price Drinks!"  "It's Happy Hour all night here!", and I was hungry.  But I did it without alcohol, had a good time, and had an awesome night's sleep (which would not have happened after drinking alcohol).

Each night without alcohol makes me a little stronger at Saying No for the next.