Today I am feeling 'off'. Not bad, just not-myself (um, whoever that is, lol!)
I'm feeling partway between who I was when I drank wine every evening, and who I am becoming in what I project to be a mostly alcohol-free life.
I feel unfamiliar to myself, sort of psychically naked and not knowing where to find 'clothes'.
When I drill down on this feeling, I find fear. Two months sober seems about the right amount of time for it to sink in. What started out as an almost whimsical commitment to the 100-day challenge has become so much more than that. Maybe akin to the time in a diet when you realize you can't ever go back to your old junk food and carbs diet and maintain your weight loss. Only this is deeper, psyche-shaking.
So sobriety is more serious, has way more implications than I realized two months ago. It means taking total responsibility for myself- no more victim, no more 'poor me, this is too hard, let's have a glass of wine', no more 'well, I'd had a few glasses of wine, so no wonder...'
I am scared. (Where's my wine??!) But no, I won't. I will feel my feelings, and observe myself, and tell myself this is a doorway to a different place that will not feel so scary on the other side.
I'm feeling partway between who I was when I drank wine every evening, and who I am becoming in what I project to be a mostly alcohol-free life.
I feel unfamiliar to myself, sort of psychically naked and not knowing where to find 'clothes'.
When I drill down on this feeling, I find fear. Two months sober seems about the right amount of time for it to sink in. What started out as an almost whimsical commitment to the 100-day challenge has become so much more than that. Maybe akin to the time in a diet when you realize you can't ever go back to your old junk food and carbs diet and maintain your weight loss. Only this is deeper, psyche-shaking.
So sobriety is more serious, has way more implications than I realized two months ago. It means taking total responsibility for myself- no more victim, no more 'poor me, this is too hard, let's have a glass of wine', no more 'well, I'd had a few glasses of wine, so no wonder...'
I am scared. (Where's my wine??!) But no, I won't. I will feel my feelings, and observe myself, and tell myself this is a doorway to a different place that will not feel so scary on the other side.
