Last night I had my first dream- ever, as far as I can recall- that included alcohol. In the dream, I was at day #38 of this 100 day challenge. The dream seemed to be a bit mixed up with Thanksgiving, in that some house that my extended family was gathered in, I had to go downstairs (like to a lonely basement-type place) to prepare all the gravy. Down there, I found an airline-sized bottle of wine. I drank it surreptitiously while preparing the gravy. I gave me a little buzz that I enjoyed.
I chewed to chiclets of gum (do they even have these any more?) to mask any smell on my breath. Obviously, I did not want anyone else to know that I had had wine. Then I went back to join the other- and felt very conflicted. Interestingly, I did NOT feel like I wanted more wine. But I wasn't sure how to record this on my blog. To Lie? To admit such an untended slip? I was in the process of pondering this when I awoke.
I was soooooo relieved to realize that had been a dream, that I had not really broken my promise to myself. The profound intensity of this relief took me by surprise.
I kind of backed into this 100 day challenge, on a whim, without really planning to do it. And yet, as time goes on, it is becoming more and more important to me. And more and more illuminating to see clearly the many things I was avoiding, hiding from. And I become more and more interested in finding out who I really am.
What a surprise!
I chewed to chiclets of gum (do they even have these any more?) to mask any smell on my breath. Obviously, I did not want anyone else to know that I had had wine. Then I went back to join the other- and felt very conflicted. Interestingly, I did NOT feel like I wanted more wine. But I wasn't sure how to record this on my blog. To Lie? To admit such an untended slip? I was in the process of pondering this when I awoke.
I was soooooo relieved to realize that had been a dream, that I had not really broken my promise to myself. The profound intensity of this relief took me by surprise.
I kind of backed into this 100 day challenge, on a whim, without really planning to do it. And yet, as time goes on, it is becoming more and more important to me. And more and more illuminating to see clearly the many things I was avoiding, hiding from. And I become more and more interested in finding out who I really am.
What a surprise!
