Wow, it's been a long time since I've posted. But, as you see from this post's title, my absence doesn't mean I've deviated from my chosen path!
I guess I've been busy digesting how to live differently, how to live sober. And it is very different.
Yesterday morning as I was doing my early morning stretching, I thought- Wow, this is really the essence of the difference between living sober and not. I was enjoying the sleek feel of my body enjoying the stretches, the pitter-patter of rapid thought through my head as I planned out my day, both tasks and treats. And I was fully present to my surroundings and myself.
Contrast that with a typical morning in June 2013: Sleep in til the last imaginable moment. Bolt out of bed, shower and throw on some clothes, grab my daughter and, if I am super-organized, something for my lunch. Feeling, yup, hung-over. Funny that, I never thought I got hang-overs, I thought that was part of why it was so easy to fall into drinking. BUT- in truth, I have discovered that I was almost never NOT hungover. I just accepted the semi-fuzzy thinking, the bone-tiredness, the vague nausea, the constant feeling of being in combat with an unfriendly world that was out to get me- I thought that was my inescapable normal.
I have discovered, to my delight, that that was not my normal. Getting up feeling rested, stretching, making my bed, enjoying coordinating clothes for that day, having a delicious icy-cold diet coke, whilst perusing the Wall Street Journal- (daughter is now on summer break from school). This is a world away from this time last year. And how happy that makes me!!
Think good thoughts for me, please, that our Visas for India will come through on time! We are due to leave on the 25th, and have so far notarized and fed-exed 4 versions of our application- once we had glasses on in our photos and looked to friendly ("neutral expression please")- and there was our signatures extending several millimeters outside the designated printed box, etc, etc. I so hope we get them in time to go- but I guess I should say, they will come through if we are meant to go, otherwise another time. Sigh. So close and yet so far from one of my major bucket list items!!
Yay Carrie you're back! I've been thinking about you and wondering how you were. Happy to hear that all is well and I'll email you xx
ReplyDeleteI've been reading your blog all along, Lucy- but I was just being a lazy lurker for a while. I love what's going on in your world! The process of having to relearn to feel our emotions has a long steep learning curve, a bit scary, but also exhilarating! To continuing!!!
DeleteWhoa.. India.. how exciting! And congrats on 223 days xxx
ReplyDeleteMrs D, you are a Powerhouse!! My thoughts and appreciation are with you as you step into several spotlights! Please remain centered on what an amazing beacon you are for all of us sober adventurers!
DeleteI think it's really wise that you've simply focused on maintaining some measure of public health for everyone, while avoiding toxicity. The blood is a very delicate thing, that can be deleterious if kept unsullied. You are such an inspiration. Kudos to you!
ReplyDeleteLeora Yang @ Environmental Diseases
Thank you, Leora!
ReplyDeleteGreat to have you back blogging Carrie. I've missed your posts! No pressure of course!! I enjoyed reading about your morning now contrasted to last year. So true. So much better to be tuned in to the supportive, nourishing present. S
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